h in h

Facing certain kinds of people, or a certain kind, or perhaps even not enough to form 'a kind', or not really homogeneous to be qualified so, I always find myself speechless, since 'the things' I desire to utter are way much more than what I can with the means at my disposal. My sole attention is how I honor, but sometimes it seems to be mistaken for distrust. It all appears to be about a game of 'knowing' and 'thinking' and the discrepancy: when I lay my eyes on that particular person, I know she thinks I am smart but I also know even she knows I am amazed by her somehow and other, of which she is not sure about the expiration date though, she does not know I see in her much more than just 'smart'. I know she does not know how stubbornly faithful, almost religiously blind, I am. Facing, very much like nine or ten years ago, my words won't come out when I most want to use them, except this time, it does concern someone else besides myself. Is that it? Is that supposed to be the way I love? Is it definite? Until I can figure it out, the situation willl remain 'happy in hell'.