I am so pissed right now. I find myself actually shaking because of the conversation I just had with someone I used to consider intellectually capable to understand gays. He made his homophobic point clear by throwing around words like abnormal, freaks, against the "great laws" of the nature... the statements which cannot be older. It hurts. I snapped and I think I started to yelling at him but I don't remember. How naive have I been! I knew the general attitude is hostility but it is one thing to be aware that hate is popular and another to hear it from the people close to you, living and breathing around you, people you consider open-minded and nice, people you spend time to get to know, people who have entered your life... It got confusing to hear the praise from them saying how brilliant you are and at the same time telling you there is a group of people that disgust them, to which you belong. I feel like a failure. I never tried to rub my homosexuality in the others' faces and I thought I'd made my point that I could live alongside with the people who are different from me, making friends with them, without marking the divisions. Even though I've been secretly feeling privileged and lucky to be gay, which also brings me trouble I'm willing to deal, I've never rubbed it in anybody's face. I tried to blend my gayness simply as a part of my identity like all the others, gender, age, language, hair, eye and skin color, ethnic, nationality, etc, but I guess it doesn't work easily and it is my fault. I am not saying I am turning radical but next time when such topic comes up, I won't hesitate to let them know that I am one of those they are calling freaks. I am feeling frustrated right now but what I want is to live more and love more, live and love in the way they despise. It is not only OK to be gay. For me, it is great.IFinallyUnderstandWhereMyShynessComesFromAndIKnowItCanActuallyBeCuredByItsVeryCause.IHateHiding AndIWontHideAnymore.