I appear shy and know how my audacity penetrates the air with my look and especially is manifested through my voice, which is based on my confidence on the that one aspect I both love and hate (because of the confusion it causes) about myself - being special. That is not something I choose but have to accept. Not being it is synonymous with faking judging from my past experiences. However, I think I am facing a situation relatively soft on my stubbornness, since I chose to prolong my school years in order not to be trapped. Weird, because some time ago I thought I was trapped but it turns out the opposite.
I've always wanted to escape home. One the most suffocating image in my childhood was family dinner - the warm light from the ceiling onto the dinner table around which all family members were sitting quietly, occasional words exchanged. I hated it and couldn't wait to swallow down my food and run out to play. Outside, I feel better.
I had a wrong concept of the world back then before seeing a map. I thought the country I lived in was the earth and the city I lived was a country. I was later self-corrected and it seems to me a waste to stay in one place for so long. I succeeded to replace myself many times and each time farther from where I were. Now I am thousands miles away from my birthplace where I have scarce to hold on to. Somehow it is not enough. So much to see and so much road to cover.
However, the relative immobile four years here have allowed me a more lucid recognition about my aptitude and future direction. Thanks to the wonderful people I met, my doubts are less, although the sad thing is those people are also busy chasing their own unusual path. They keep leaving, so do I. We crossed the paths and although they don't disappear, the existence in each other's life cannot be materialized. That's the dilemma sometimes getting me down but carrying the memories of all my dear travelers, I'll keep leaving the places becoming familiar.
