When I saw fancy pictures of beautiful places, I used to wonder what it would be like there, what I would be feeling there, or if it would be a shame if I'd never had a chance to be there, but now, I find myself in a complete different state: I know I won't feel happy there, not because I've found (probably never) what makes me happy, but because I SEE what makes me happy. If I see it, then I have to spend time and make efforts to go after it, which leaves me little time to linger in the uncertainty. It feels good to be able to be certain about something perhaps for the first time in my life, for the first time sure about something positive of course, as I can be certain from the negative side quite often. But sometimes I ask myself if it is too good to be sure, too close to be real. I am a stranger to this kind of state of mind, but if thinking about it more closely, it does make sense: all these years of confusion and searching, all the ups and downs I've been through, must have led me somewhere new. Can I now be so confident? Perhaps I can try. After all, some fifteen or sixteen years ago, I was once like that.

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Do all of us "function" according to certain logic of our own aside from the basic natural laws imposed. If yes, does it dominates us entirely or only partly? Do we all live consciously or unconsciously of that logic? If consciously, how correct is our understanding of it? Do all of us try to figure it out? And if we do and succeed, will it freak us out? Why am I asking all these questions? Because I'm freaking out, like a living man seeing his own skeleton.