Let's say, you have this feeling giving you the urge to say "eurêka!". You have the feeling that you've found something but still confused because without knowing beforehand what you have been looking for or being able to get a hold of the concrete entity, you cannot identify the found, which may be upsetting, because of the mixture of exhilaration of discovering and confusion caused by the uncertainty of the discovery. So, is there a way to solve it? Is it possible to trace back, since it is highly possible this situation resulted from the fact that this discovery may be made by certain instinct, (or else, shall we say, something on the subconscious level?) from the way one had traveled to discover. To reveal the nature of the process to reveal the nature of the result, which involves plenty of "revealing oneself", I suppose. See, as a child, I would often secretly pity the adults expressing their regrets that they lost their youth and did not get what they want, but sometimes it was not their regrets but the things they said they wanted but did not get that looked more pitiable. I would say to myself, " so what if you had spent all your life after that and had gotten that? It would still have sounded boring."(Was I than cynical at 12?) I guess the expressions on their face sacred me into my working my ass off in the later days to avoid that, but it is essential to get the nature of my findings right. I know, I am classified by many as "the unsettling factor" or "the lost one", which I've been told repeatedly, but what they don't know is that the "lost" appearance may be simply due to the momentarily unidentified discoveries I've made, the equivalents of which in their lives seem more obvious and less controversial. Let me clarify, I am not against their norms but I am only against the norms trying to force their way into my private sphere, because they can sometimes blind me into agreeing on the "lost" appearance, while when I look in retrospect in my lucid mind, I am amazed at the how much I been through and how close I am getting to something that fits me, which I could not even have dreamt of back then. So I guess the question now is to formulate it properly in order to make sure that I stick to it.
