I think appropriate title should be, " why doesn't she look happy?" because there is no possible way for me to gain that knowledge concealed within her, is there? But she does look unhappy, or, using one of my friends' words, " lost in her own head ". They have had a lot of absurd judgments about her, but this one turns out to be reasonable after I saw her today, crossing the square in bright sunlight full of people, whose spirits seemed to be lifted up by the early heat of the changing season. Amongst them, dressed as usual, quiet as usual, she looked more pallid and detached, and her age was showing more under the sunlight, but not at all reducing her grace, sad grace. The contrast between a confident and even proud attitude I've considered to suit her according to her aptitude, her characters and her achievements, and the way she carried herself has confused and troubled me. Probably it is only unnecessary worry, but I don't understand why she looks so sad. I like the way she searches for my eyes and when seeing my smiling, she lights up. The brightness is so beautiful but brief. I feel guilty because never being good at flattering and though talkative, getting too nervous to say anything to the persons I adore, I have never expressed my admiration to her. This feels familiar. The first time I didn't have the chance and the person died, the second time I didn't dare and the person left, and I wonder what is going to happen this time. However, at least I've mildly shared my relatively less subjective opinion about her with her. Simply, I just wish the people to whom I can be connected be happy, even the unjustified happy, which is double standard because I don't see the possibility of it for my own.
