I'm not sure about those others who have been spending their life running and searching, reluctant to stop. I myself, finding pointless to stop, live in the constant fear of being caught in boredom, trapped in their routines, lying to themselves that everything is alright. Nothing can be alright when the heart (let's suppose it exists) is beating inappreciably and you become numb. I've heard my elders preach. Their tones were confident, but their words were hollow, face full of regrets. I've passed the troubled teenage age but I still have this frustration, the only frustration of the unsatisfied desire to go away. How can I stop? I miss my friends. I miss the ones I love. Our paths once crossed in a land foreign for all of us. I've been amazed. They flashed by through my life. I'm grateful but feel more restless. I doubted myself and the promise of the days to come. They are the marvelous creatures whose existence I'd never imaged before I met them. Oh, yes, I miss them, especially when stupidity is all around. I miss B, everyone fought for her attention, but I got the most. I wonder what she is doing. I miss her present and future. I miss H's past, though. Everyone is confused and fear her, not daring approach, but I got the attention. What a shame! I want her past for my future. I miss a lot of things but the only place I don't miss is what they call home. After all it was the house that I struggled to get out of. The harmonious family dinner around the table in the warm light was one of the worst scenarios. I'm still wondering why. Perhaps feeling too safe is never safe for me. Not having doubts signals danger, the danger of my head crashed by dullness. Yes, we can have a rest from time to time, lying on the road side or river bank, watching the sun, the moon and the stars, listening to the wind singing, feeling the morning dew on the meadow soaking the skin, the tips of grass blades tickling the bare feet, but at certain point, we know it is time to hit the road again, because there is too much unknown, too long distance and too little time.
