I see revising one's past only useful when they interpret it differently every time and can get new understanding. I, myself, find myself reliving my past episodes very often but each time it is more abstracted from another level, which helps me to answer the present questions.
I once had this non-realized relationship with a sneakily flirtatious character. In my memory she now appears in the form of a crane, probably because of the way she walked. Slim and stealthy. Her interest in me was possibly due to her inquisitiveness into my sexual orientation. But I admit I was also attracted to her mysterious allure. We were drawn near as two strangers and lots of intriguing encounters happened quietly but I could never make the move because we were so young and I had doubt.
There was one particular scene still lingering in my head. She showed me shaft leading to the roof of the building she discovered par accident and her wet hair suggested that she had just came down from there as it was raining outside. She led me through the empty hallway and helped me to climb up. I spent the noon there watching the grey sky with hardly appreciable mountains in the background (I'd not known right outside the city I lived there were mountains!). I still remember the feeling I experienced on that roof in the drizzle: I was so in love, which had something to do with her but not specifically with her, not specifically with anybody in fact. Like I said, we were so young and I was only feeling hopeful.
Nowadays I understand what in her I appreciated most was the unpredictable future, just like that in myself. I felt we were both about to take off anytime. I thought we must part from each other because the things we had not learned yet were too many but somehow we would be linked. There was a feeling of competition to see who was going to reach further, which had ended much earlier than I had expected. She landed and since then I avoided meeting her every time I came back because I do not want to see the loss in her. That fearless ambitious one is gone. What a waste. Now the reminder of her is still on that roof dipped in the grey blue hopeful sky.
